Today’s sky was falling in on me. Fog settled on the Bay earlier than forecasted and as I stepped out of my car I could feel tiny drops of water touching my face. If I tried, I could see them swirling around in the air like snow. Quickly I walked through the flurry and into Safeway for some quick ingredients to make a salad.
This was the first time I had shopped for produce in a Safeway…really for anything in a Safeway. I was disoriented. Prices were high for the produce, I was surprised. Just earlier as I was driving there I told myself: “You can always afford produce.” I don’t know if that’s true. I quietly grabbed what I needed and tried to ignore the unfamiliarity of the store.
At the register, as I approached the cashier a sudden sadness dripped over me. It quickly spread over me, and at first I wasn’t sure what happened. It was as if I just woke up from a daydream. Then I realized, it was the plunge into ice water, the hard hit of reality: Jason was not around to go grocery shopping with me. It was what we always did together because I liked to spend time with him on weekdays after he had been away all day at work. Or it was the relief of leisure and time on weekends when we ran into the store to grab treats or meal prep ingredients.
It was just a hard hit of “I miss you” that I didn’t see coming. And now that I think of it, I’ve felt this before while grocery shopping, alone, but today I was able to put together what that thump was.
snowhiteice 